Pumping Iron 2: The Women

I recognize that it would be totally against brand for me to point out something good and positive that came out of a bad situation. But it WOULD SEEM that something good and positive came out of me falling and breaking my fool neck.

SKIP RECAP

We ended last season on a cliffhanger with our main character haing fallen on an uneven sidewalk at her 40-year high school reunion and broken her shoulder.

5 months of twice weekly physical terrorism later, Dr. R paroles her, on the condition that she begin strength training.

NEW SEASON

This season begins with a flashback: 11-year-old Kalisa is diagnosed with scoliosis in 1977 and never again participates in another PE class. She is beyond tiny and delicate and much more inclined to music than physical activity anyway. And that is a role she will happily play for the next four decades.

Then she goes on vacation to see her friend Carmen in Virginia Beach, who drags her to a Zumba class, because that's what night of the week it is. Carmen enjoys Zumba so much that she doesn't want to miss a single class. And Carmen is 100% correct - it is fun.

So Kalisa goes home, joins the YMCA and starts Zumba classes. Soon, that isn't enough for her, so she shows up before class and walks 30 minutes on the treadmill first. Eventually she drops both of those and is doing 30 minutes on the elliptical 6 days a week. She's now a total gym rat (also very against-brand for our hero).

One day, an employee comes to see her about creating some kind of local gym partnership or fitness challenge at work. He has joined a gym and is feeling great.

"OMG I joined a gym and feel great, too!" she agreed.

"I've gained 30 pounds!" he bragged.

"And I've lost 20!" she boasted

And then the pandemic hits. The gyms close. And she never gets back, preferring instead to pandemic bake and gain 25 pounds.

CUT

To the mandatory Rocky Training Montage. (dun-dun-dun-dun-dunta-DUN-danta-dun)

She re-opens her YMCA membership. Books a training appointment with a woman called Paige.

Aaaaaand...ACTION

"So I'm about to make 58 and in April I fell and broke my shoulder," I explain to Paige. "No surgery, but 5 months of PT. Which I"m being paroled from if I agree to start strength training.... Scoliosis.... Arthritis.... Weak.... Early stages osteoporosis.... Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi."

Paige walked me through lifting weights on 10 machines - Bis, tris, quads, back, chest, shoulders, hammies.

"Oh...this is...hard," I marveled.

"Four sets of 10," Paige instructed. "Three times a week."

My generation was fed a load of bullshit about "aerobics" and "Jane Fonda" and "burning calories." GenXers will spend our lifetime trying to erase that from our psyches. Why is a man's gym objective to get stronger and a women's is to get thinner? No thank you. We reserve the right to GET STRONGER TOO.

I was so sore that first weekend. I mean these are some old-ass weak muscles. And then they were like, "Wha...? Huh...? oh...hello..." and they started WAKING UP.

Waking up from a very, very VERY long sleep. And there was such JOY in the muscle kingdom at they're finally being called upon to perform.

Some evenings, I'd be so tired and not really want to go. But any time I had reported back to Dr. R about how my Physical Terrorist Connor was taxing me, he would say, "Remember this when you don't feel like going to the gym." So I go to the gym, and leave feeling not more tired, but absolutely popping with energy.

I joke but Connor saved my life, y'all. I was determined to not let this take me down. I refused to succumb to the irony that "Kalisa never bounced back from that fall she took at the 40-year reunion." and Connor made that true.

My last day of PT, she said to me, "You are stronger than you think you are." It will forever be the most inspiring thing ever said to me. I will keep that close for the rest of my born days.

As I pump that damn iron.

After just two or three weeks, I started to already feel stronger. I woke up and I just felt less creaky. Because of course my joints feel better if my muscles are assisting in the job of, you know...holding up my body.

Paige gave me the guideline that the last 2 of each set should be hard. When they weren't any more, increase the weight. Building. We are BUILDING muscles, bones & strength. Since September I have increased the weight of all the machines except for the shoulder press, which is still, at 20 lbs, very hard for me.

I saw Dr. R yesterday and he assured that is to be expected and it's okay. The more I build my back (shoulder pull-downs & rowing) the stronger my shoulder will get. I told him how grateful I was to him for walking me down this essential path. I want to LIVE for the next 30 years.

He said I was the best appointment he's had all week.

Don't act like you don't see it. It's there.